some words i wrote
for me, which means they’re also for you
as you might have read on the about page, i write about a bunch of things.
you can check some blogs out below or head directly to my (no longer active) medium account here.
The Perfect Partner: Drivers, Passengers, and Co-Pilots
We’re sitting at the bar. Well, he’s sitting on a stool, while I opted to stand as I’d already been sitting all day for work. I’m facing him, leaning my body against his ever so slightly. My red and grey dress brushing against his faded jeans. You can hear the faded sounds of soccer games and contemporary music playing in the background.
As he sips on his chilled drink- a stark opposite to the Antiguan humidity surrounding us- he starts talking about how he’s always looked for (without really finding) a “driver”. That he already has the energy and will to go forward within him, but the extra push to the pedal is missing. He talks about having someone who you can do life with. A life partner- of sorts.
There, in that crowded bar, he says that’s okay. He’s let go of that idea now. I say, “Maybe it’s because you’re supposed to be your own driver?” As he’s looking off into the distance, inevitably lost in some distant memory, he replies, “Maybe.”
a personal reflection on 2020
2020.
Twenty, fucking, twenty.
What a year. One that, for me, started off in Rwanda. Making my way back to Italy, then to Norway, and eventually to the US right as the pandemic hit.
January-February were a whirlwind of seeing loved ones, engaging in activities that brought me joy, and working late, late, late nights. March carried with it big plans of moving and exploring a relationship of mine on a new level.
Needless to say, that all came crashing down as the reality of what we were all going through hit deeper and deeper. As I made the decision to cancel flights and then borders started to close.
fuck happy
Happy is like sand, it falls apart the moment a wave hits. No matter how big or small that wave is, it’ll bring everything crumbling down. It’s sand slipping through your fingers- the more you try to hold onto it the more it slips away.
Happy is an illusion.
Happy is created by corporations and sales forces. It’s what you’re sold when you’re feeling the normal uncomfortable and conflicting emotions that are a part of your life.
Happy is the Matrix.
Happy is being Minnesota-nice; an open door with a smile, while they talk about you behind your back. Happy is McDonalds, a quick high that leaves you feeling queasy at the end.
Happy isn’t real and I wish you no happiness.
Stop Connecting the Dots and Start Painting Like You Mean It
What you’ve done yesterday doesn’t matter. The mistakes? The failures? The pain? It means nothing. It’s gone and it holds no power over you. None. The awe and the joy, on the other hand? That’s holy. Take a look at it and tuck it away in a safe space you can keep coming back to when you find yourself needing a reminder of your goodness. Because you are, so good.
If you died today, what dreams will have died with you? Yes, this is terribly cheesy and cliche’, but I’m dead serious. What things would be left undone and words left unspoken within you? What innovative idea are you selfishly keeping to yourself because you’re afraid of failing?
Catching Up To Myself
My old story is being good at keeping people at a distance- a distance you wouldn’t know is there because I’ve learned exactly what parts of myself to share.I know what flaws are seen as admirable and which ones paint me an outcast.
I know what parts of my broken heart are endearing and praised and which ones are scorned and derided- leaving me bleeding with no tools to save myself. I know how to be vulnerable in a way we’ll connect; without you realizing I gave you rose colored glasses to view me through.
Your Life Is Yours, Fuck The System
We’re all actors.
Every day we suit up, put on our masks, and go about doing life like good little humans.
But to what end? Life itself, has no purpose.
There is no end game.
No grand finale.
No puzzle to be solved.
No singular mystery to be uncovered.
The only reason and purpose for staying alive, is what we choose it to be.
Coaching: It’s NOT a One-Size-Fits-All
When working with clients, there are a few things I ask you to track and be mindful of: stress (this includes work, relationships, world events, and more), sleep (length, quality, and what you do before bed + what your surroundings look like at night), and posture (both throughout the day and while you move your body).
Knowing how much one’s system is being taxed throughout the day and how much rest one gets at night helps tailor training on a day-to-day and week-to-week basis to make sure that we’re stimulating your body enough to grow, but not so much that you dig yourself into a hole.
PULLING OURSELVES OUT OF THE MATRIX
A coach does not give advice or tell what you what to do. A coach actually holds space for you to do that work for yourself. Creating a container where you feel seen, heard, and encouraged. Where you feel capable and believed in, to expand past who you think yourself to be, and deeper into who you actually are.
Coaching is a space for dreams, for sadness, for excitement, for goal-setting, for fears, for joy, for risk-taking, for processing, and for adventure. It is a brave and honest container. One where you’re allowed to dream past your wildest imagination, to fall flat on your face, and to become whomever you dare and desire to be.
BENDING WITH THE ROAD, EVEN WHEN WE LEAST EXPECT IT
I’m not one to give advice or tell people what to do. However, I do think that those of us who have the privilege of a life that still remains safe and fairly steady during this time, have a bit of an obligation to do something about it. To use our time and resources to help those who don’t. To learn and educate ourselves on how we can create a more just and inclusive world once this is all over.
Months from now, when we all return to the streets and experience newfound joy in being physically together again, I want to be more ready than ever to step in and help. To understand how the world works and do something about it. To be able to meet people collectively and move forward in unison.